I wish I had the power to change things, the power to erase the last nine months. Hit the re-set button and replay the game. Maybe I could have said something or done something to change your course that night. I wish I had the magic words that would have made you make better choices.
I wish I had been harder on you in some ways and easier in others. I wish I had listened more and talked less. I wish I had been more understanding of the time and effort you put into helping your friends. You weren’t always just running around looking for a good time. You were really trying to help them, even the ones who didn’t want the help.
I wish I had seen you fill out. You were just too damn skinny.
I wish I had seen you continue to mature. You really were on your way. I could see it. You were learning how to deal, how to be an adult. You still had work to do but you understood what needed to be done. You were just learning how to do it and accepting the responsibility of getting it done. I was sure you were going to be successful, but I wasn’t sure at what. You understood the value of working hard.
I wish we could just talk about nothing important. I wish you could make me laugh again. I wish we were working in the yard right now.
I’m sorry for all the things I should have done, but didn’t. I’m sorry for all the things I did that I shouldn’t have. I’m proud of you. You were special. Not perfect, no one is, but you were a quality person in all the ways that matter.
I’m sorry for all the things left unsaid, but who knew. I wish, most of all, that I could tell you all of this in person. I love you Kev.