Lisa came up with this as an essay question for the kids applying for Kevin’s memorial scholarship next year. When I took my walk at lunchtime today I thought about how I would answer.
I want to be remembered as a good husband and father first and foremost. I want everyone to know just how much I cared about the well being of my wife and children. I even want them to know the anguish and hopelessness I felt over my failure to see Kevin grow up. That might not be a fair word, but it’s how I feel, a parents job is to raise them, he didn’t make it. It feels like a failure.
I want to be remembered as a coach who helped kids have fun and learn about competition. I can say with little doubt that no one I ever coached will play professionally, only a select few might play in college. I don’t really do this to teach soccer per se. I do it to teach teamwork and how trying your hardest is its own reward, and to have fun with the kids, I like that part too.
I want to be remembered as someone who was always willing to help.
I want people to miss me. If I’m a good person they should miss me. If they don’t miss me I wasted my time on this earth.
I want to be remembered as honorable and trustworthy. I’d rather be poor than steal or cheat to gain material possessions.
I want to be remembered as good. Not great, just good. Greatness in anything comes at a cost. If I were to be remembered the world over for anything I would inevitably have to shortchange my family. I would rather not do that. Nelson Mandela was a great man, but in truth he was a pretty crappy father.
I hope that whoever remembers me smiles when they do, if that happens, I win.
I smile at Kev’s memory. We all do. Through the tears there is always a smile.
I remember his warmth and his laugh and I remember how he always made us smile.
I think I miss that most of all.