How Do I Want to Be Remembered?

Lisa came up with this as an essay question for the kids applying for Kevin’s memorial scholarship next year.  When I took my walk at lunchtime today I thought about how I would answer.

I want to be remembered as a good husband and father first and foremost.  I want everyone to know just how much I cared about the well being of my wife and children.  I even want them to know the anguish and hopelessness I felt over my failure to see Kevin grow up.  That might not be a fair word, but it’s how I feel, a parents job is to raise them, he didn’t make it.  It feels like a failure.

I want to be remembered as a coach who helped kids have fun and learn about competition.  I can say with little doubt that no one I ever coached will play professionally, only a select few might play in college.  I don’t really do this to teach soccer per se.  I do it to teach teamwork and how trying your hardest is its own reward, and to have fun with the kids, I like that part too.

I want to be remembered as someone who was always willing to help.

I want people to miss me.  If I’m a good person they should miss me.  If they don’t miss me I wasted my time on this earth.

I want to be remembered as honorable and trustworthy.  I’d rather be poor than steal or cheat to gain material possessions.

I want to be remembered as good.  Not great, just good.  Greatness in anything comes at a cost.  If I were to be remembered the world over for anything I would inevitably have to shortchange my family.  I would rather not do that.  Nelson Mandela was a great man, but in truth he was a pretty crappy father.

I hope that whoever remembers me smiles when they do, if that happens, I win.

I smile at Kev’s memory.  We all do.  Through the tears there is always a smile.

I remember his warmth and his laugh and I remember how he always made us smile.

I think I miss that most of all.

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About garbear25

I'm a sad dad.
This entry was posted in Grief, Random Thoughts. Bookmark the permalink.

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