The Shrine

Kevin did his own laundry. I apparently didn’t do it right because I actually put cloths in the dryer instead of hanging them on the rack to air dry. For several months after he died there was a pile of laundry in the basement, right where he left it. We just couldn’t move it. He left it right there himself. Eventually we did the laundry, dried it on the racks, and folded it up, but it was hard.

A couple of weeks ago the power plug on my Garmin blew out. Kev had a Garmin which his father brought over when he cleaned out Kev’s car. It’s been sitting up in his room ever since. I dug out the plug this morning and connected it to my Garmin so Lisa could find her way up to jury duty. I don’t think Kev minded. Thanks buddy.

Kevin’s room this morning is pretty much the way he left it on October 12, 2010. His cloths are still in the closet. His nick nacks are still on the walls and shelves. It’s a little messier. Kev wouldn’t like that at all but some of the stuff from the wake, the collages and guest book and a few other things are just in there, not particularly ordered.

Kevin was very particular about his cloths. Many of his friends have come over and asked for various articles of clothing which they wear to remember Kev. They have very specific memories of a certain t-shirt or sweat shirt. The pile of cloths we washed and folded sometime last winter is still sitting in the basket on his bed, minus the articles his friends took.

One of the standard admonitions in the grief books is to eventually clean out the room so it doesn’t become a “shrine”. I guess my answer to that is “why not”?

When Kevin’s grandfather died we had a discussion about what he wanted done with his remains. He expressed his desire to be cremated, and we honored his wishes. If there is a downside to that, it that there is no place to “visit Kev”. So I guess we visit his room from time to time instead.

Does that make it a shrine? Maybe it does, I don’t know, frankly I don’t really care. It feels “right” to leave the room as it is. I have pretty much intuited my way through the last 15 months. See what “feels” right and to follow it.

Will we ever clean it out? I don’t know. If we need an extra bed for a guest people are more than welcome to sleep in there. When my c-pap machine blew out and we had to wait for a new one Lisa slept in there (she could still hear the snoring through 2 closed doors but at least she could get to sleep).

I suppose the only possible problem with this is if one of us thinks it’s time to clean out the room and the other wants to keep it as is. We’ll jump off that bridge when we get to it.

But until then, or maybe even longer, that’s the closest thing we have right now to a “Kevin Memorial”, so if you’d like to stop by feel free. The price of admission is you have to be willing to tell us “Kev stories”. Ones we haven’t heard are the best but I’m okay with the ones I’ve heard before too.


About garbear25

I'm a sad dad.
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2 Responses to The Shrine

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t think there’s any hurry in “cleaning out” your son’s room…and don’t let anyone push you before YOU are ready. There is always that person who feels like s/he needs to be the one to tell you it’s time to “move on.” Even if you reach a point when you need the space or feel it’s time to begin, my suggestion is to only get rid of the things you are sure you want to get rid of. You can always box the rest in plastic tubs, put them in storage, and address them at a later date when you are ready. This may be a solution should one of you feel the need to “clean out” before the other one does.

  2. carol styczko says:

    I personally don’t think you and Lisa will disagree on Kev’s room and belongings,,,It is not a is Kevin’s bedroom…and i know personally I feel closer to him when i have the opportunity to be in his room…My parents, both deceased, have headstones in a local cemetary…i don’t visit often…as i don’t feel they are there..unlike kev’s bedroom I feel a connection to his life there…as i think you and many do……love you all:)…Carol and John ( ❤ )

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