Everyone has ups and downs. Some days are better than others, sometimes you have a reason for feeling down and sometimes you just do.
Of course, my family and I have suffered through an unspeakable trauma when we lost Kevin, so whenever I feel down, or whenever I notice someone else in the house feeling down I have to ask the question.
Is it Kev, is it teenage stuff, is it work stress, is it puberty, menopause, or is it Kev?
It’s actually not as easy figuring it out as you might think.
A few weeks back I was going through a really difficult patch. I was depressed, not crushingly so, but I was. I went through a few weeks of this before I was able to work out that I was angry. I was angry that someone very special deeply loved and with a wondrous future was no longer with us.
Once I worked out why I was struggling, it was kind of easy to process and get out of the dumps.
I’ve been down a little this week too. For once I don’t think it has much to do with Kev. I was working on getting a new job, one I must admit I really wanted, and it feel through last week. I went away for our annual ski trip last week and I was able enjoy myself some, but the rejection depression is hitting me a little this week.
One further complication is the changes that I’m going through. Since I’m not the same person I was “before” I react to stressors differently. I’m more actively aware of my mood. In the past I might be down for several weeks and not even realize it.
As I’ve worked to reconcile this loss, I’ve had some bad periods, some decent periods and a few pretty good days. Most of the time, when I’m down, it’s related to Kevin, but not always, sometimes it’s just life.
If anyone would like to offer me a great job, I’d love to hear about it…