Happy Blog-day

This blog is one year old today.  This is my one hundred and eleventh post.

I started this thing on April 1, 2011 in order to share some of the things I had been writing with family and friends.  In short order it turned into a bit of a stream of consciousness type thing.  I would think about something, process it write about it and share it here.

I think I’ve been the most proud when someone lets me know that things they’ve read in here have helped them.  It really makes this worth the effort and makes this a fitting tribute to Kev.  The one time I felt his presence directly was at one of those moments.  I think I can stay motivated to keep this thing going on the off chance that that happens again.

I enjoy writing the stories the most.  I think my poetry is pretty lame, but it is heart felt.  Sometimes things I write seem pretty weird, but they all fit together in my mind.

Looking back, it amazes me how often I’ve written some variation of “I’m in a bad place and haven’t posted much lately.”  When you are living through it those down times feel kind of normal.  It serves as a reminder that it sure as hell hasn’t been an easy road.

I’ve been thinking lately about milestones, and I guess the anniversary of this little corner of the internet is another one.

It’s amazing how almost everything has a “Kev angle”.  We recently traded in Lisa’s car when it was clear it would never pass inspection.  It’s the car we taught Kev to drive in.  I’ve been taking Drew up to Cherry Hill to learn how to drive the CR-V ( a standard), same as I did with Kev.  I’ve been wondering how much grief Kev would have given Kata as she moved into puberty.

We go to a new restaurant…Kev would have loved it.  We hear a new song., see a movie, a new store opens, no matter what it is we always have the Kev moment.  The Container Store and California Closets…can you imagine what he’d have done with those?

I miss him the most at those times.

The good news is for the last couple of weeks missing him has taken on a more positive tone.  I can see him in my minds eye.  When I’m in a bad place, I can’t see him; I have a hard time looking at pictures.  When I’m in a better place I can smile when I remember him.

It still comes and goes.

So Easter is next week.  Drew’s lax season starts Tuesday (Check salemnews.com for updates on how the Falcons are doing).  Spring soccer starts the week after that.  I’m going to give reffing one more try to see if I’ll be continuing.  I’m still looking for a job.  The clocks still spin and I still have to do my best to make a life for myself and my family.

And I keep working on this.  Thanks for being part of it.


About garbear25

I'm a sad dad.
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