Often, when I write in here I use the passive voice. It’s not because I’m wishy washy, there are a couple of good reasons. First off, I’ve figured out I’m frequently wrong about what might be on my mind at any given point in time. I’ve thought one thing was bothering me and later discovered it was something else. I’ve learned not to be declarative in this process.
The other issue is that my grief is different than anyone else’s.
I might be able to provide someone with insight into this struggle, but I don’t pretend to have all the answers. There is no guide available for my journey, only I can find the path through my woods. If you find yourself in a grief forest I might be able to give you a little general advice, but I can’t tell you which direction you need to move in.
Take anger for instance.
Anger is a common and natural reaction to any death, particularly one caused by an accident. It seems like most people in this situation will focus there anger on someone they see as responsible for the accident. They may feel strong anger, or even hatred towards the person or persons they see as the cause of their loss.
Some folks don’t have that reaction. They may be angry, but it isn’t a focused anger. They don’t point to a person or thing and say “It’s your fault”. I’m in this second group.
I’ve been asked “How can you not be angry” and the short answer is “I’m just not”. I’ve read about others who are like me. I think one common factor is many people in my boat have a relationship with the person or persons who might be considered “responsible”. I think it’s a lot easier to hate someone you’ve never met. My reaction isn’t wrong. Nor is the reaction of someone else who is particularly angry wrong. Feelings are feelings.
So this is why I use the passive voice. My way isn’t necessarily your way. I’m not arrogant enough to call my way better. It just is.