Perhaps more than any other day, Fathers Day highlights the razors edge between appreciating what I have and lamenting what has been lost.
My mood yesterday alternated between deep sadness, and just as deep contentment.
I wanted to do something special for Kevin. I decided to take some time, sit out back by myself and smoke a cigar. I was in turns reading and reflecting on our relationship. I think it helped me to get my head in a better place.
The book I was reading is about happiness. It posits that happiness doesn’t come from stuff, it comes from inside. We all know people who haven’t been blessed with easy lives, but who remain positive despite their circumstances. Conversely we all know people who have been blessed, with money, health and good fortune but who are miserable. I’ve decided I would rather be the former than the latter.
We spent the day with my in-laws up in New Hampshire. Beautiful weather, tasty food and loving family are never a bad combination. I watched some soccer and some golf, both activities that Kev and I shared. I just tried to enjoy each moment, one at a time.
On the way home I was imagining Kevin along for the ride with us, sitting in the back seat between Kata and Drew. I really hope he was right there; listening to the music and watching the scenery roll by. It’s just as possible as anything else.