It’s been two years.
I made progress this year. Somewhere along the line I decided to live my life. Originally I just wanted to survive for the sake of my other children, but sometime last spring I found myself wanting to live for me. I want to live my life, I want to be true to myself, I want to remember him always, but not perpetually mourn him.
Progress doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days. Yesterday was one. Today promises much of the same. I guess what I know now is the sadness is natural, and on some level its welcome. Being reminded of all that we have lost is okay, as long as the sadness doesn’t slip into despair.
I have some things to do today, pictures to take, a game to coach. I wish I could skip everything, but I can’t, commitments have been made.
I miss Kev a lot this week. He would have been proud watching his brother play soccer. Drew was really stepping up his game the last couple of weeks, right when the team needed him to. Unfortunately a studs up challenge just inside the penalty area has left him with what looks like a pretty serious knee injury. I think Drew could use his brother’s perspective on this, I know I could.
I’d love to tell him about my new job, watch a game, go out to dinner, joke around.
I’d love to have some new texts to crack up over.
It’s not to be.
Still muss you and love you Kev. That will never change.