It’s been a while.
I haven’t posted since the anniversary, almost two months ago.
Writing takes energy and commitment, and I’ve been putting in a lot of effort at the new job. I’m often pretty tired when I get home, and my brain is usually asking for the night off. I feel this forum is about more than a quip or an update. I don’t want to turn it into my substitute FaceBook wall.
For the most part I’ve been in a pretty good place. Pretty much everything I’ve written has been introspective as I’ve tried to wrestle with one issue or another. I haven’t felt much need for that lately. I’ve been excited about work and mostly content at home.
It hasn’t been all lolly-pops and moon beams though.
I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I sit in a decent mood and wonder when the next bout of depression will trip me up.
I keep trying to anticipate and somehow avoid the next disaster.
In one of my first posts here I wrote about having my blinders ripped off. That hasn’t gone away. I know how awful it can be, and how fragile the framework of our lives is,
My sense of denial, my ability to overlook the dangers of day to day life has been forever removed.
I also have a new perspective on all this. The little things really roll off now.
I have also come to accept that the challenges we face, big and small, and how we face up to them are really what defines us as human beings. I always thought of myself as resilient if nothing else, I think the last Twenty-six months has proven that I really am.
It’s amazing to me that the calendar pages can flip by at light speed while a moment can last forever.