Too Damn Quiet

I miss my fuzzy little shadow.

Yesterday I had to make my first drive up to North Conway since Buddy had to be put down. It’s really noticeable up here that he’s not with me. A month ago he’d have come along because he loved it up here. I can’t remember the last time I drove up without him.

We had a little ritual on the ride. He’d figure out where we were headed about ½ an hour into the ride and settle down, but once we turned onto West Side Road I’d pop open the window so he could get a good sniff and he’d wag his tail and smile (because beagles can do that) all the way to the house.

So instead of my dog lying at the other end of the sofa I am all alone and it’s too quiet.

No one greets me when I come home, no barking when someone knocks on the door, no one to take for a walk every night.

I was glad to have the last few months, we knew the cancer was doing to come back, so we had time to take him up here as much as possible, we took some good hikes, we went to run on the beach, we called it Buddy’s bucket list. Beagles are a tough ass little dog, so he’s been almost puppy like since he recovered from surgery, the crash was fast, as we knew it would be, but he was a happy dog right up to the last couple of days,

I read a couple of books during this 4 month hiatus, A Dogs Purpose and A Dogs Journey by W. Bruce Cameron. The 2 books are the story of a dog that is reincarnated several times and his intertwining lives with his special people. When I was 5 years old my older brother took me to a pet store and sat me down with a litter of puppies. The one who licked my face the most was the one we took home. She was a Beagle/Collie mix and we had her until I was in college. While I was reading these books I’d glance and Buddy and see the same eyes as Bitsy (she was little and I was 5, what can I say).

So maybe Buddy will be back someday, or maybe he’s at the Rainbow Bridge waiting for Lisa. I prefer to think of him hanging out with Kev, visiting with Petey and Butch, My Mom and Dad and Kathy, and they are all feeding him people food and he can wonder around and accompany them on their adventures.

So now my future vision has changed a little, when Someday comes and I am walking along the perfect beach at sunset with my Father, Kevin will be waiting by the fire, but Buddy will be with him and will be bounding across the sand to welcome me.


About garbear25

I'm a sad dad.
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